Did another round of self portraits today for #formalfriday, but nearly didn’t.  I make no secret about how much I struggle with my mental health. I suffer from really bad seasonal depression every winter as well as anxiety and PTSD.

This year, it’s been pretty rough because usually I’m hitting the upswing of things by now, but with the Covid-19 imposed restrictions on working, I haven’t yet hit it. So my emotions are really constant chaos right now. I love my job, I love that it forces me to be social and get out of my little bubble. I miss it SO much!

It was after 4 before I finally convinced myself to get off my ass and get dressed up for this round of #formalfriday self portraits. I’ve been forcing myself to get in front of the camera once a week so that I can try NOT to sink any further into depression, and it has really been good for me. I’m not getting very creative with it – just sticking a dress on and setting up the tripod. But it has been fun to play dress up and get out of my head for a bit once a week.

The second I put on this Selkie dress, I felt like a princess. Isn’t it funny how certain dresses can just bring you back to being a kid again? My glitter dresses make me feel similar, but nothing quite as much as this huge puffy pink frothy concoction Selkie designed. My oldest has the same dress, I tried convincing her to do a “twinsies” session but she looked at me like I was off my rocker (lol I probably am). I was twirling around in my bedroom, spinning until I was dizzy, jumping on my bed and then decided to have a pillow fight with myself. The kids were in the basement with their daddy, they taught him how to play Minecraft so were all distracted for the day. I had nothing better to do but make a mess.

When they came upstairs, I was still in the midst of the session. I had the bedroom door opened because the tripod was set up outside of it (I need a wider lens for this tiny room!) and they looked at me, laughing my ass off, hitting myself with a feather pillow – and looked at me with even more concern than my oldest  had when I asked her to join in.

I spent a good three hours vacuuming and sweeping feathers. Thought I had them all then woke up this morning and couldn’t breathe. Opened my eyes and looked around the room at hundreds more feathers – they must’ve been in the vents lol – my husband woke up and looked at me and said “yeah, you’re on feather duty today”

Still worth it. I really needed this. I laughed harder than I have in MONTHS, all by my lonesome in my bedroom. Still can’t wait until this is all over and I have ANYONE else to photograph, but it was a lot of fun.Here are some of the shots! Mind you these are all taken of myself by myself, so it isn’t as easy as photographing someone else! I think I’m getting better at self portraits though!

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